Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
