So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
