just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize