two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
