He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
