but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
