so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
