My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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