Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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