My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
