fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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