How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
