my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
