im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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