Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
