next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
