Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
