Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
