We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
