a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize