haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
