i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
