It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
