Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize