Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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