some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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