the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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