if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
