Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
