Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
