You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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