i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
