I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
