I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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