apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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