so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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