i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
