How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Buhtt sex?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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