my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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