i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
