chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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