Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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