Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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