Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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