When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
