All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
