i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
