Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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