small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
