Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize