We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
