mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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