I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
