i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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