I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
