i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
