and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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