at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
