Nicole vs. Life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize