Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
