My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
