wakey wakey hands off snakey
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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