even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
