I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
