she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
