i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
