I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
